hey guys. i really can’t say thank you enough for coming back.

usually, it’s just me reading and re-reading my own shit. you know the type —like when you post something to IG and sit there and stalk yourself. yeah, i do that too.

well, i’m here because i figured some of you may be interested in a timeline of events since i keep talking about them. so if you’re wondering where everything fits in chronologically, i got you covered right here.

but first, here’s a list of categories.

• addiction
• eating disorders
• chronic pain
• mental health challenges

Time in Life	Blog Post Link
childhood. i grew up in suburbia (new jersey).	childhood, cherry hill, control: where it all began & why i am the way i am
middle school. normal. just like everybody else.	draft
high school starts. my eating disorder begins. foreclosure.	freshman, foreclosures, & fresh starts: what it was like getting evicted from the only home i’ve ever known during the most confusing time in a girl’s life magic wasn’t gathering and i was lost in the woods: what happened after the mcmansion i grew up in went into foreclosure downsizing, divorce, and finding light in the dark: what it was like moving from a big house to a “cozy” apartment everyone has something: what’s yours? nothing tastes as good as skinny feels: what it’s really like living with an eating disorder
mid-high school. young fun. friends. anxiety.	it’s okay to be afraid 10 signs you may have an actual anxiety disorder
end of high school. first love. first heartbreak. leave for college. depression.	when you’re depressed it’s easy to isolate but here’s why you shouldn’t because every girl wants a bad boy who will be good just for her & you never forget your first love: when and kind of why i started to rebel
frosh year. make amazing college friends. best times ever. sophomore year. starts off great. even better than the best, in fact.	draft
end of sophomore year. i’m at a party and try my first oxy. it was love at first sight. took on a life of its own. withdrew from friends and social events.	drug addiction & ignorance what i wish i knew about opioid withdrawal before i picked up
junior year. not just an addict. selling pills with my boyfriend at the time. not the girl i used to be. getting worse but still functioning.	drug dealing just to get by: unfortunately my college career wasn’t just about good grades and it was about to show
senior year. unable to do anything without a pill or two —make it 30. things escalated pretty quickly. lost all those friends i once had and lost myself too.	drug dealing & pill popping: the time i got held up at gunpoint inside my own apartment when fun in the sun becomes an addict’s vacation from hell: how opioid withdrawal turned my week-long intercontinental beach trip into a 24-hour nightmare when wedding bells turn into wedding blues: here’s what went down before & after my plus one punched the best man in the face
college is over. part ways with my college boyfriend. it was complicated and hard. he goes to another school across the country and i move down south. trying to get clean but where you go, there you are.	as katy perry once said i don’t negotiate with insecurities so lets battle for some sanity college, crossroads, & co-dependency: i had two different paths that i could have taken post-graduation, this is what I chose
boca babe. found fast friends who, of course, bought and sold pills. more alone than ever and pretty desperate. had some decent jobs along the way though.	it’s called a downward spiral because there’s no way to stop it: here’s what happened after i chose my family & florida over my boyfriend and blues pharmacy hopping & black market buying: what it was like for a girl to buy pills in south florida circa 2012
living in boca, still. pawn everything of value i owned. it wasn’t fun anymore but i couldn’t stop.	masquerade status, junkie sadness, & pawn shop madness: how i afforded pills at the height of my addiction
pawned more shit. my family was on to me but i was pretty good at hiding it (or so i thought).	because it really is a family disease how my addiction affected the people i love most
as a result of all of this, i got myself into some pretty awful situations. some i’m not even sure if i should share. needless to say, i was pretty depressed and doing more pills than ever.	draft
things got so bad, i just wanted it to end. it was more of a cry for help than anything else. but there i was.	the little black book of poems: blade you are free to choose but you are not free from the consequence of your choice: this is what happens when getting high just isn’t fun anymore
rock bottom. everything was going wrong. literally. wasn’t functioning at all.	evicted, afflicted and majorly addicted: here’s how i ended up at rock bottom for the first time apparently, rock bottom has a basement because when i thought i couldn’t sink any lower, i did: here’s how it went down ask me no questions & i’ll tell you no lies: because i’m still at bottom & this is where i last left off
then everything exploded. which lead my sister to arrange an intervention.	welcome to my intervention: i wasn’t ready for things to blow up in my face but deep down i knew it was over
detox. my first official go at “trying” to get clean. at the time, i think i went to detox more so because i had no other choice. deep down, i wanted to be sober but the cravings consumed me. that said, i still went to detox and did my fucking best.	freaked out fucked up alone my experience in a del ray beach detox because you can get better too: how i battled opioid withdrawal weakness, sleeplessness, and just plain awfulness: this is what opioid withdrawal feels like right now, the only things i feel are grief, anger, and sadness: when detox love becomes detox lost
rehab. directly from detox, (my family arranged it this way), i went to my first drug rehab. 30-day program. felt better but i think i was just saying what i thought everyone wanted to hear.	because one is too many and a thousand is never enough: here’s what my first day in rehab looked like 28 days isn’t just a movie starring sandra bullock, it was my life: what seven days typically looked like inside a boca raton rehab sometimes, the hardest thing & the right thing are the same: the day i said goodbye to opioids for good
halfway. after rehab was over, i had my 30-day chip. went right into a halfway house, which happened to be in the fucking ghetto. i faked it but never made it. i end up relapsing. then, i start dating another addict.	halfway houses double lives: when relapse mode goes too far but then i finally got it right halfway to hell: you can only fake it till you make it for so long & my double life was closing in i made my bed, now i had to lie in it: this is what happens when you let opioids control your entire life because this shit never really leaves you: post-traumatic stress disorder and how i ended up at rock bottom for the 1.9th time
rock bottom number two. kicked out of halfway. couch hoping and barely getting by. staying high with my then boyfriend. after some time passes —when i had nowhere else to go, i end up somewhere you don’t want to be.	life after mind-altering substances: i’m 30 days clean, now what rock bottom, rape culture & recovery: remember, when things seem too good to be true, they usually are
alive. i manage to get out of that situation and hide out for a bit with another friend. finally, call my family and tell them what happened. i stay with that friend until my family can find me a long-term treatment center out of town. then, my dad picks me up and off we go.	blurred lines & hard times: how the aftermath of my second rock-bottom ultimately drove me further into the ground
the mission. end up in georgia at a christian rehab. five and a half hours of bible study every day. hated it at first but eventually found my groove. today, they are family.	on a mission: i was stuck somewhere between try harder & why bother until this jew ended up at a christian rehab
the mission number two. really into the program. get promoted and work my way up. i get in a tiny bit of trouble (after not getting into any. really i did great —i’d tell you otherwise) towards the end, but i still graduate after the eight months are over. decide to move back home (if my mom will have me. she does).	because there’s a season for everything & i was still on a mission: what 24 hours looks like at an 8-month rehab you can’t spell challenge without change: i failed every pop quiz until my sobriety was put to the test
home again. weird. hadn’t been home home since high school. trying to reconnect with old friends i lost touch with. was able to connect with a few. then i meet addict boyfriend number three. and things got intense, really fast. in a really good way (until it wasn’t, which was over the course of roughly one year).	you are who you hang out with what i learned from getting love wrong and how i finally got it right fast friends & fake love: i was fiending for freedom, although straight-up fiending is probably more accurate
still home. i thought i was going to stay sober but my addiction was like nope. living a double life tenfold. in love. lost.	early recovery, relapse & relationships: here’s what happened when i started dating again after spending eight months in rehab chasing highs, chasing guys & everything in-between: this is what happens when you pursue narcotics instead of recovery from liars to lovers & something to nothing: here’s where i last left off the night i choked on a piece of meat meeting my boyfriend’s mom for the first time love me today, leave me tomorrow: because misery still loves company and i was still stuck on stupid
car accident. mom finds out everything. she doesn’t know what to do with me at this point and my other family members were kind of over it. my mom kept in touch with that friend who i stayed with after rock bottom number two. he tells my mom to send me on a plane to him (he lived in florida) and he’d find another rehab to get me into.	draft
rock bottom number three. turns out, he wasn’t a friend and there was no rehab. i’ll leave it at that for now. i was heartbroken over addict boyfriend number three who was still in new jersey. since i just kind of left one day, it was hard on both of us for a while. and back then, i remember wishing he would come rescue me but that never happened. i can’t say much but i will say things weren’t going well in this situation either. i thought this was where i was going to die.	coastlines, crack, & rehab fraud: i was en route to a treatment center that was merely a facade, but that was his plan —here’s how it all began false freedom, captivity, & a lot of deception: when i found myself in the arms of a friend turned foe with no reception coercion, consent & control: the time before i realized i didn’t have to share the shame he wanted me to wear chains, reins, & brains: i was getting out dead or alive, even though, i wasn’t sure if i was going to survive sound the alarms & throw up some flares because this girl is scared: here’s what the last few days of captivity looked like
hope. i hadn’t been a normal human in what felt like forever. then i see my moment. i make my move. i escape. and things got worse before they got better. but they got better. and i’m stronger for it too. seriously though, i’m like a new woman.	ambien & counting sheep: why i don’t feel bad about sleeping in anymore and 4 reasons why you shouldn’t either relapse, recovery & a dash of hope: because it actually happens & i was finally free the aftermath part two: we’re confined only by the walls we build ourselves & this girl was finally finding a way out
freedom. this is why i have the word freedom tattooed on the back of my neck. i was free. back then, i remember saying i would never complain about being bored again. slowly, i start rebuilding my life. i wanted sobriety. i wanted to leave my old life behind. and i wanted to forgive. i wanted to forgive those who hurt me. but mostly, i wanted to forgive myself.	i think i forgive myself or at least it’s about that time: because even when the jury & the judge say you’ve got a right to hold a grudge, it’s the whisper in your ear saying set it free
it’s official. i was a person again. as i began putting as much effort into my recovery, as i did with using, things started to work out. i get a job, save money and start living right (in short). eventually, (after months of self-care and more hard work), i find an amazing guy. and i sit here right now typing this to you with almost five years clean. holy shit yo. it’s a been quite the ride and it’s def. not over yet.	you are who you hang out with what i learned from getting love wrong and how i finally got it right it’s still not cool to judge a book by its cover: what i wish people knew about my mental illnesses let’s talk coping mechanisms & substance abuse: how yoga helps me overcome the darkest of days shame, rape & PTSD: how my addiction from five years ago still impacts my new normal today 4 symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder: because i just realized that most of the weird shit i do is actually related to P.T.S.D. you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make her drink it: how one girl learned to want this thing called recovery bad enough to drink the damn water

because recently, i found out that i’m a type one diabetic.

i knew nothing about this world so it was shocking at first, to say the least. it was life-changing and a rather big adjustment. but, i didn’t (and still don’t) need easy. i just need possible. so, gradually, i found my new normal.

and now? well —my days are filled with blood sugar checks and daily affirmations.

i’m always battling with myself. it’s a constant up and down. because i go low (hypoglycemia) where i feel shaky and confused. and then other times, i go high (hyperglycemia) where i feel tired, bloated, have to pee a lot, super thirsty and basically just feel awful all over. i correct by giving myself insulin but every day is different. sometimes my body is more sensitive to it and so, i’ll go low again.

like i said, it’s a constant up and down. but you won’t see me stop.

i used to think it was my fault. except now that i have more knowledge, i know there wasn’t anything i could have done differently. i was getting it no matter what. and TBH, it answered so many questions i had about myself. in short, i never felt normal. i think that’s why i started self-medicating on pills because when i’d use, i felt OK.

and suddenly, i was in over my head.

it all makes sense. luckily, you know how this story ends. because in the END, everything will be OK. if it’s not OK, it’s not the END.

xoxo,

macey bee

oh. and for a look at some other posts (because i don’t just write about myself), check out my nonstop content library. once i write those drafts i referenced above, i plan on writing a little more about my t1d journey and life today.

until then, here’s a little taste.

getting diagnosed	diagnosing type one diabetes: my story
dating and maintaining relationships as a type one with a mental illness	through the highs & lows: 5 truths about dating someone with type one diabetes relationships & chronic pain: 8 tips on how you can break the cycle
overcoming an eating disorder as a type one with endometriosis	eating disorders & working out: how staying active actually helps my recovery heal & live: recovering from an eating disorder body dysmorphic disorder & obsessive checking: because i don’t see what you see & i still fear getting fat substance abuse, recovery & weight gain: why it’s inevitable & what to do if it happens to you i eat even when i’m not hungry and i just realized why: binge eating, emotional eating and how this shit relates back to trauma
being a type one with multiple mental health challenges	7 side effects no one wants to talk about: i take antidepressants because i was depressed but now i’m numb & still a little sad perfectly flawed: how perfectionism lied to me & how i deal with it today social media & depression: why we need to stop comparing our behind the scenes with everyone’s highlight reel we didn’t use to pay for convenience: how i stepped away from instant gratification and finally found balance chronic pain & depression-101: when others can’t see your invisible illness but you feel it everywhere i’m drowning: how mental health issues affect your ability to swim through life just keep swimming: how to stay afloat when you’re sinking from self-doubt because it’s not selfish: 5 self-care tips to smile like you mean it depression, despair & death: here’s my take on why so many americans are sad enough that they think ending their life is the only way out don’t mistake my kindness for weakness: 13 signs your a highly sensitive person everything & nothing: this is what depression feels like 4 reasons why: this is what it’s like living with OCD imposter syndrome, perfectionism, and high functioning anxiety: this is what it feels like insomnia, impending doom, & full blown insanity: my experience with wellbutrin side effects anti-depressant withdrawal: i’m officially off wellbutrin & damn, i feel better
living a normal life with an invisible illness	living with an invisible illness & mental health ish: because i’m not the girl i used to be and here are four reasons why 5 suggestions for type one diabetics: how to run errands like a boss i’m the driver now: how holistic-therapy helps me enjoy this ride we call life in 3 ways diabetic confessions: here’s how stress affects my blood sugar levels & what you can do type one confessions: i’m tired & sometimes i wish more people understood why 10 years in the making: this is what it feels like living with endometriosis type one diabetes, low blood sugar, and apple Juice: the night i had to force-feed myself back to life mitigation, isolation, & major frustration: 3 ways the corona quarantine impacts our mental health
my thoughts on pain management and finding pain relief as a type one diabetic and recovering drug addict with a chronic pain disorder	when we have our health we have everything: how cbd helps me every day  cbd oil: people are feeling good & healing better find out why doctors finally say no opioids are not the go to treatment for pain relief opioid alternatives for pain management: how one woman changed her life with a nation struggling to do the same cdc says prescription painkillers no longer drive the opioid epidemic but what is? illicit drugs & chronic pain: the black market 411 searching, self-medicating & finding that missing void: here’s to understanding why addicts start using
real-life advice now that this diabetic is sober	from 20-something to nearly 30: this is what i’ve learned let that shit go: because hurt people hurt people & it’s not always about you attitude & perspective are everything: because when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change there is no way to happiness, happiness is the way: so stop apologizing, stop waiting & enjoy life right now to all the 1989ers: this is me saying goodbye to my twenty-something self my BRCA2 story

if you have any particular questions about me or content ideas, please send an email to maceybernsteincontent@gmail.com and i will do my best to accommodate your request as soon as possible. thank you so much, guys.