hey guys. i really can’t say thank you enough for coming back.

usually, it’s just me reading and re-reading my own shit. you know the type —like when you post something to IG and sit there and stalk yourself. yeah, i do that too.

well, i’m here because i figured some of you may be interested in a timeline of events since i keep talking about them. so if you’re wondering where everything fits in chronologically, i got you covered right here.

but first, here’s a list of categories.
Time in Life
Blog Post Link
childhood. i grew up in suburbia (new jersey).
middle school. normal. just like everybody else. draft
high school starts. my eating disorder begins. foreclosure.
mid-high school. young fun. friends. anxiety.
end of high school. first love. first heartbreak. leave for college. depression.
frosh year. make amazing college friends. best times ever. sophomore year. starts off great. even better than the best, in fact. draft
end of sophomore year. i’m at a party and try my first oxy. it was love at first sight. took on a life of its own. withdrew from friends and social events.
junior year. not just an addict. selling pills with my boyfriend at the time. not the girl i used to be. getting worse but still functioning.
senior year. unable to do anything without a pill or two —make it 30. things escalated pretty quickly. lost all those friends i once had and lost myself too.
college is over. part ways with my college boyfriend. it was complicated and hard. he goes to another school across the country and i move down south. trying to get clean but where you go, there you are.
boca babe. found fast friends who, of course, bought and sold pills. more alone than ever and pretty desperate. had some decent jobs along the way though.
living in boca, still. pawn everything of value i owned. it wasn’t fun anymore but i couldn’t stop.
pawned more shit. my family was on to me but i was pretty good at hiding it (or so i thought).
as a result of all of this, i got myself into some pretty awful situations. some i’m not even sure if i should share. needless to say, i was pretty depressed and doing more pills than ever. draft
things got so bad, i just wanted it to end. it was more of a cry for help than anything else. but there i was.
rock bottom. everything was going wrong. literally. wasn’t functioning at all.
then everything exploded. which lead my sister to arrange an intervention.
detox. my first official go at “trying” to get clean. at the time, i think i went to detox more so because i had no other choice. deep down, i wanted to be sober but the cravings consumed me. that said, i still went to detox and did my fucking best.
rehab. directly from detox, (my family arranged it this way), i went to my first drug rehab. 30-day program. felt better but i think i was just saying what i thought everyone wanted to hear.
halfway. after rehab was over, i had my 30-day chip. went right into a halfway house, which happened to be in the fucking ghetto. i faked it but never made it. i end up relapsing. then, i start dating another addict.
rock bottom number two. kicked out of halfway. couch hoping and barely getting by. staying high with my then boyfriend. after some time passes —when i had nowhere else to go, i end up somewhere you don’t want to be.
alive. i manage to get out of that situation and hide out for a bit with another friend. finally, call my family and tell them what happened. i stay with that friend until my family can find me a long-term treatment center out of town. then, my dad picks me up and off we go.
the mission. end up in georgia at a christian rehab. five and a half hours of bible study every day. hated it at first but eventually found my groove. today, they are family.
the mission number two. really into the program. get promoted and work my way up. i get in a tiny bit of trouble (after not getting into any. really i did great —i’d tell you otherwise) towards the end, but i still graduate after the eight months are over. decide to move back home (if my mom will have me. she does).
home again. weird. hadn’t been home home since high school. trying to reconnect with old friends i lost touch with. was able to connect with a few. then i meet addict boyfriend number three. and things got intense, really fast. in a really good way (until it wasn’t, which was over the course of roughly one year).
still home. i thought i was going to stay sober but my addiction was like nope. living a double life tenfold. in love. lost.
car accident. mom finds out everything. she doesn’t know what to do with me at this point and my other family members were kind of over it. my mom kept in touch with that friend who i stayed with after rock bottom number two. he tells my mom to send me on a plane to him (he lived in florida) and he’d find another rehab to get me into. draft
rock bottom number three. turns out, he wasn’t a friend and there was no rehab. i’ll leave it at that for now. i was heartbroken over addict boyfriend number three who was still in new jersey. since i just kind of left one day, it was hard on both of us for a while. and back then, i remember wishing he would come rescue me but that never happened. i can’t say much but i will say things weren’t going well in this situation either. i thought this was where i was going to die.
hope. i hadn’t been a normal human in what felt like forever. then i see my moment. i make my move. i escape. and things got worse before they got better. but they got better. and i’m stronger for it too. seriously though, i’m like a new woman.
freedom. this is why i have the word freedom tattooed on the back of my neck. i was free. back then, i remember saying i would never complain about being bored again. slowly, i start rebuilding my life. i wanted sobriety. i wanted to leave my old life behind. and i wanted to forgive. i wanted to forgive those who hurt me. but mostly, i wanted to forgive myself.
it’s official. i was a person again. as i began putting as much effort into my recovery, as i did with using, things started to work out. i get a job, save money and start living right (in short). eventually, (after months of self-care and more hard work), i find an amazing guy. and i sit here right now typing this to you with almost five years clean. holy shit yo. it’s a been quite the ride and it’s def. not over yet.
because recently, i found out that i’m a type one diabetic.

i knew nothing about this world so it was shocking at first, to say the least. it was life-changing and a rather big adjustment. but, i didn’t (and still don’t) need easy. i just need possible. so, gradually, i found my new normal.

and now? well —my days are filled with blood sugar checks and daily affirmations.

i’m always battling with myself. it’s a constant up and down. because i go low (hypoglycemia) where i feel shaky and confused. and then other times, i go high (hyperglycemia) where i feel tired, bloated, have to pee a lot, super thirsty and basically just feel awful all over. i correct by giving myself insulin but every day is different. sometimes my body is more sensitive to it and so, i’ll go low again.

like i said, it’s a constant up and down. but you won’t see me stop.

i used to think it was my fault. except now that i have more knowledge, i know there wasn’t anything i could have done differently. i was getting it no matter what. and TBH, it answered so many questions i had about myself. in short, i never felt normal. i think that’s why i started self-medicating on pills because when i’d use, i felt OK.

and suddenly, i was in over my head.

it all makes sense. luckily, you know how this story ends. because in the END, everything will be OK. if it’s not OK, it’s not the END.


macey bee


oh. and for a look at some other posts (because i don’t just write about myself), check out my nonstop content library. once i write those drafts i referenced above, i plan on writing a little more about my t1d journey and life today.

until then, here’s a little taste.
getting diagnosed
dating and maintaining relationships as a type one with a mental illness
overcoming an eating disorder as a type one with endometriosis
being a type one with multiple mental health challenges
living a normal life with an invisible illness
my thoughts on pain management and finding pain relief as a type one diabetic and recovering drug addict with a chronic pain disorder
real-life advice now that this diabetic is sober

if you have any particular questions about me or content ideas, please send an email to maceybernsteincontent@gmail.com and i will do my best to accommodate your request as soon as possible. thank you so much, guys.